What Living Apart For a Year Did For Our Marriage

I have heard this all my life and I truly believed it in theory,but it was nothing like actually living it. When my husband would come home, there was this excitement that only comes when a 'ship is new or when there's been a long absence.

Though we began to travel more to see him when it came closer to moving, before then those months in between visits were truly long for us. Me and the children would have our breaking moments where we'd just cry because we missed that Man so much. And some of the hardest times about all of this was I never really knew when we would see him.

So when the children would ask, "Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" or "Mommy, when are we gonna see Daddy again"? I rarely knew what to tell them. You see, we had a plan in place that required us cutting back in order to pay down debt and save so that we could all be back together again.

So in following that plan, one of the great sacrifices we had to make was even though he was only 3-4 hours away depending upon where he was staying at the time, we couldn't afford to travel there or him to us while also saving and paying off debt.

So those visits were few and too many times far between. But when we did see him, oh my! They were intense visits in every way! It was like "old times" (as they say) of us living altogether. But sadness always followed because we would have to separate again.

Though I've always loved being in the same home with my husband, my heart truly grew fonder for him because the time apart made me appreciate him even more than I already did. This life lesson has made me realize the importance of time together as well as time apart. It actually strengthens healthy marriages.

Now how can this be? The bible says two heads are better than one but our heads have been together all these years and you mean to tell me in one year we accomplished more major goals living apart than living together? How Sway? That puzzled me slightly only until I realized something...when you have the right motivation and you're operating outside of your comfort zone, you will move mountains to accomplish your goals.

This is a word right here because many of us are not accomplishing the things we really want to because we don't have the right motivation to keep us going towards our goals and we won't get out of our comfort zone to put in the work necessary to succeed. Now don't get me wrong, my husband and I worked very hard over the years to get our family in better situations but I must admit, it wasn't until after my husband moved away that we took things to a "whole 'nother level" in order to finally get us up outta the home we outgrew 2 babies ago and to a better financial situation.

What I saw in a years time was us working together to get to each other as quickly as possible. Though we may have had some set backs along the way, I noticed we worked extremely harder to overcome those setbacks and turn them into set ups during this year apart, than we had with other setbacks in our previous 14 years together. I can be honest and say that.

Maybe us all being together all those years was our haven (which is a good thing) and our comfort zone (which comfort zones can be a bad thing at times) and we had nothing to lose so we worked hard enough to "survive". But once we were living apart, it was different. Everything was different. We were now working to "thrive" instead of just survive. And this taught me that the only way to achieve my goals is to have a written plan (I wrote it out detail for detail and shared it with my husband and children), the right motivation (to get us back together again but in a new home), to get up out of my comfort zone (the home we'd lived in for 12 years at the time that we could easily afford) and to get to work (make moves baby, make moves).

With all those things in place, I worked my part in that plan until completion...which completion here means accomplishment. *ahem* Is any parts of what I'm saying here something you need to take heed to in your own life Sis?

I know many times in life, we go through trials and tribulations and our strength is tested. We may become weak but when we hang on, we become strong. Or maybe we were strong and felt weak but didn't know the difference.

Whatever it is, my strength was definitely tested throughout this living arrangement we'd never experienced before. There were some days my strength shined bright like a diamond and then there were other days where it seemed dim.

But what I've learned while looking back was on those days I felt my strength had dimmed, my strength was actually stronger than steel. My work to keep my family together while living apart showed just how strong I really was...correction..how strong I really am.

I am Strong. Not I was strong or I will be strong but I am strong. I had some tough days while we lived apart and many tough nights, but through it all, The Most High gave me all I needed to make it even through this.

No I wasn't used to living apart from the man I had all 5 children with. No I wasn't prepared for what the journey encompassed. Or...maybe I was prepared and just didn't know it. But here is what I do know. I got through it all in strength that I never knew I possessed.

It was like it was lying dormant in me or rather it was there all along for all those difficult births and arduous times of financial issues, but that now it had to come through more than ever for a journey I had never traveled. And that showed me that even though we may not know the journey ahead, we are already equipped with the strength necessary to travel it.

And travel it I did. The things my husband normally did, my children and I had to team up and do or hire out. I had to figure out how to raise sons without their Dad around like before. I had to learn to validate my daughters even more now that their Dad wasn't around to always confirm that validation like he did before.

Oh sure we had phones, text messages, emails and even video calls in between visits but what many didn't know was that my husband's work schedule often prevented us all from having the best contact with him. Text was actually the best way to get him as he was always working and even then we'd have to wait for responses if he was in the middle of instructing his classes.

But no matter, their mother was there. Her strength was enough to get them through the ride. Her strength was enough to comfort their tears while comforting her own. Her strength was enough to pray over them and pray with them even in the physical absence of their normally present father.

Her strength was enough to encourage their father even when he wanted to come home because he missed his family badly. Her strength was the "shero" in all of this! I witnessed strength to raise 5 children alone for a year that many single mothers already have.

I remember saying that I tip my hat to single mothers because of the strength they have in raising children often times alone, yet I had to (almost) temporarily become one during this journey or at least it seemed (no disrespect at all to the single mothers out there). But her strength also knew when to reach out to older ladies who could encourage her. (Look back on a video I shared while traveling the journey here).

Do you know what really made my strength shine through like a diamond? My ability to recognize when my strength was actually waning and actually reach out to be strengthened. That is the truth.

Any time I felt low, or felt I couldn't go "no mo", I cried, I prayed and then I reached out. And when I reached out, I vented, I lamented and then I listened. I listened to the encouragement from my sisters who helped me get back out there and keep going. That was the message..."keep going, the prize is before you". See, in your own life you see the prize..but it seems so far off, so your spirit may weakened, you may feel frustrated and you may even want to quit because it's too damn hard. But...when you are encouraged, replenished and heard, your strength level returns to full length and you can "keep going" because your prize is before you.

And I am living proof of what it feels like to go through all of that and get to the prize. And when I tell you the day I walked into my new home knowing we had accomplished our goals, realizing that particular journey was over and seeing the excitement and joy overcoming my children's faces ...not only was it all worth it but it was necessary in order to get our prize while also learning lessons along the way.

My strength was realized at the start of the journey (whether I knew it or not) but it was also materialized throughout the journey. Looking back I see my faith muscles grew to where I may not know what the next journey may be, but I do know that "I am Strong" enough to travel through it. Now..isn't that what you also needed to hear today to help strengthen you on your own journey? 😉

Much Love ~ OEV