Let Others Be Strong for You.

My feelings have def been all over the place since losing my Mother and Father right behind each other. The biggest thing I’ve been hearing is how strong I am or how strong I need to be especially for my children. But I disagree with these assessments and here’s why.

Overall or when it’s all said and done, I will be strong. But right now, I’m not strong. I’m not strong for myself, my children or anyone else for that matter. I am very weak and have been these last 6 months and I’m ok with that.

People literally be out here going crazy having to be strong all the damn time and so many of y’all be right there telling them to be. But that’s not gon be me. See I know what it’s like to have to be strong because you don’t have no one else like…when me husband had to go back to work and I was left with three children 3 and under (a newborn, a 1 yr old and a 3 yr old) after having my 3rd c-section while tandem nursing and everybody too busy to help out. I had to be strong. Or when my husband moved to Texas a whole year and I had to take care of our 5 children alone without a lot of help. I had to be strong. But I’m not about to be strong now. Know why?

Because when I was at my strongest, I invested a lot of time building up a support system for such a time as this. When I was at my strongest, I spent a lot of time creating the life I wanted for such a time as this. When I was at my strongest, I spent a lot of time pouring into others when they were at their weakest for such a time as this.

So guess what I’m doing at my weakest?

Reaping and letting others be strong for me for such a time as this.

I don’t have to be strong right now nor will I force strength. And because of the support system I’ve built up over the years, I don’t have to be strong for my children right now either…others can.

Because after losing both of my parents in 6 months, I will not be strong nor will I pretend to be. When I’m weak, I rest. I sleep. I chill. I sleep some more. I chill some more. I do nothing. I cry. I scream. Sometimes I’m angry. Sometimes I’m sad. I grieve. I mourn. I write. I speak. I stare at the damn wall but what I will not do is try and be strong when I don’t have to be.

This is a new pain I’ve never experienced and it’s ridiculous but I’m gon feel every last bit of it…without restraints…without filters…without apologies…without strength…with vulnerability. And when I fully recover, I will be stronger than anyone could ever imagine. And all 5 of my Children will have had front row seats to see firsthand how their Mother went through and overcame.

This is real life. This is my life. This is my pain. This is my truth. I will be strong yes, but today I’m not. I’m weak.. but He is strong. I’m weak but everyone around me is strong enough to hold me down at my weakest and I’m letting them.

Normalize it being ok to be weak at times and letting others be strong for you instead! ~ OEV