Today ended my “Year of Firsts” since my Mother passed. It was literally the most challenging year of my life. No pain has come close to the pain of losing my Mom. Nothing. And then to lose my Dad shortly thereafter…

I lost who I was after that but I gained who I am now. They say things get better with time yet I actually still cry a lot. So when exactly that part stops, I have no idea.

A few weeks ago, I was by myself at a restaurant near me and I kept staring at these 2 older couples sitting in a booth together. They looked to be about late 60’s early 70’s and I couldn’t stop staring at this one particular lady. I was feeling so sad that day that I barely finished the food I ordered. I decided I was going to go over to the table to ask the lady a question but it took me 20 minutes to get up the nerve to even go ask. But I finally did.

I walked up to the table and said, “Excuse me. I’ve never done this before”. Before I could get the question out, I broke down crying in front of the couples. The lady I had been staring at while I was eating said, “It’s ok baby. Take your time. We listening. It’s ok”. That comforted me to move forward.

I continued through the tears, “I lost my Mom last year and it’s been over a year since I had a hug from my Mother. Can you please just hug me? I need a mother to hug me so much right now because I’m nobody’s daughter anymore“.

I could barely finish my last sentence before her husband moved out of the way as she was working hard to get to me. She said, “Of course I can”. And she hugged me so lovingly yet strong. When I tell you I fell apart in her arms…a stranger I didn’t even know who, as I was falling apart in her arms, was holding me together in her arms .

She then signaled for the other lady at her table to come to us which she did and she hugged me tightly yet softly from behind. Those two ladies sandwiched me with hugs and prayers which held me up even after my knees buckled like I would fall.

I don’t have a pic of those ladies nor do I have a video because I was being in the moment and could care less about footage. All I know is I got what I needed from strangers. I don’t know their stories, their families, their upbringing, their religion, their socioeconomic status or anything of the sort. All I know is I needed a mother to hug me and I ended up getting two mothers to hug and pray for me while I cried in the middle of the restaurant. And I didn’t care who was looking on.

Mama, I miss you so much and I thought it would sting less a year later but it doesn’t. And I’m not exactly sure how I’ve even made it through this past year since you left me.

But one thing I do know…I decided I would find me some mothers locally who I could get hugs from, from time to time just so I can feel like a daughter again. A Mothers hug is truly everything.