So as may or may not know, I just recently celebrated 14 years of marriage. (Originally written May 6, 2018).

Yaaay me! And we're actually still celebrating to be honest because that's just how we roll. But we commemorated our 14th year of marriage with a family video and photo shoot that we did in April. And we also did 14 live podcasts each day on my Facebook page that led up to our anniversary date, which was May 6th.

And of course, my husband and I both posted on our personal social media site on that day as well. For my post tho, I shared 14 things I've learned in the 14 years I've been married. And I sat down to write my post while we were all out to eat for our anniversary. I just couldn't stop writing.

By the time I made myself stop writing to actually post the 14 things I'd learned so far in my marriage, I had 36 things. I was like, uh, yeah, this could be a book. So I chose the 14 things of those 36 things I wanted to share. Okay, here we go.

1) Never destroy your own stuff when you mad at your mate. Your whole family loses because of your actions. #NoBrickThrowing

That refers back to the brick story that my husband and I have shared often on the past hard times in our marriage. And at the time we were reconciling our marriage after we had been separated and it just seemed like the counseling wasn't working . And he walked out on me again, and I got so upset that I threw the brick. Well, that brick ended up hitting our car instead of him, because I threw the brick at him.

And it's a long story, but anyway, it ended up hitting our car instead of him, and it hit the windshield of the car, which ruined it. It was no way for it to be repaired. We literally had to get an entirely new car. Windshield installed and it wasn't cheap. So our whole family suffered because of what I did out of anger.

I mean we can sit back talk about it and laugh now, but it was not funny that we had to drive around like that until we had the money to pay for the windshield. And insurance would have covered that but who wants to call that into insurance, right? That's almost like a police report or something waiting to happen. So we had to come up with the money and get it fixed.

So don't destroy your own stuff when you're mad. In fact, don't destroy anything when you're mad at your mate. Just cool off or whatever as we lost in that situation simply because of my actions.

2) If you and your mate miss it in front of your children, Make it right in front of your children. #BeTheExample

That's period point blank, y'all. Literally, like, if you miss it in front of your children, don't just sweep it under a rug and handle it in private. They never know that y'all made it right. Apologize. Let them know what's going on. I'm not saying you have to give them all the details of everything, but you need to let them know that, "Hey, we're good. We were not good at first, but we're good now.

Doing this creates a safe haven for your children so they know their parents get into it at times and miss it at times, but they're always going to make it better as best as they can.

3) Travel with and without your mate. It enhances your marriage.

One of the best things I've done in my marriage is to travel with my husband, I have traveled with my children, without my husband, without my husband and my children. And all were amazing as I had a good time on all the trips.

And what do they say? Absence makes the heart grows fonder. I would miss my husband when I was gone and I would miss my children when I was gone as well. I also loved it when I was with my children and loved it when we were all together. So it enhanced our marriage because you get to get away and relax with and without your mate, your children and just get to be free and rejuvenate to a better you who then gets to go back to your mate (and children) refreshed and ready to continue on in your union. It's really amazing and I encourage more wives to do this as well.

4) You will Evolve. Embrace it. Especially when you're both evolving.

Evolving is like gradual change over time. And oftentimes that change is good. I'm not the same person I was when I first married and that can be a really good thing because you should be growing in your marriage not being stagnant and staying the same

5) You can heal your marriage the same way you hurt your marriage. Choice is Yours.

This was a big one that I realized in my marriage in that we can actually heal our own marriages. I'm not sure why everybody keeps saying things like "God can fix your marriage" and "counseling can fix your marriage" when actually YOU can fix it by healing it because you're the one that hurt it.

The same power you operated in and hurt your marriage is the same power you can operate in and heal your marriage. Think about it...there are so many properties in our body that can heal our body if we just do certain things like, drinking more water, eating better foods, working out more and/or getting proper rest, right?

Well, you can do many of similar things as it pertains to healing your marriage. So if you hurt your marriage in monogamy by being neglectful or unfaithful, you can also heal it by being more attentive and faithful. So the same way you hurt your marriage with words or actions, you can heal your marriage with what? Words or actions. As I said, the choice is yours.

6) Sex can be just as important as the air you Breathe. Don't downplay it no matter who else does.

Collectively, the modern day church has a tendency to downplay sex. People will even claim you're being sex crazed or that you're this world is all about sex. Even tho I can tell you the reason many think this way another time, this time, we're talking about in your marriage.

Sex can be just as important as the air you breathe. Meaning, it can be an important part of your marriage that it' bonds you so much that the lack of it can actually break that bond.

Sex actually heals which is something I teach for those who've had sexual trauma. So if sex is just that important that it actually helps those who've had tramatic sexual experiences, it can be just as important in bonding with your mate. In other words, I've learned to give sex its flowers in the way it heals and increases bonds between mates.

And even one of you may see sex as more important thant the other and that's actually ok as long as you're not downplaying it for the mate who feels that way. Instead work together on how y'all can have it more and more satisfying understanding that it can be as important as the air you breathe. Don't believe me? Check Maslows Hierarchy of Needs.

7) Respect is not only for me but for women too. The levels to this may just differ.

I'm just gonna leave there right where it is and let you meditate on that one.

8) Nothing truly prepares you for marriage. Most of us have been wingin it for years, but with help. #NoCap

Self Explanatory

9) Marriage is for the mature even thou most of us enter into it immature. #Facts

No matter what anyone says, majority of us, if not all of us, go into marriage, immature. We're not really ready for marriage because it's really hard to prepare for something that's a lifelong journey. That's like preparing for life and you've just been born. Like how do you prepare? You're like a baby in this thing.

So that's why I said we've been winging it for years, but with help. And that's why those who've been married for a long time can share marital wisdom with you on how they've gotten to where they are and how they're making it work still and how they will continue to make things work because they've been doing it for a long time.

And that's why it's so important to learn from those who have been there and done that went there and won that gotta be careful who you're learning marital advice from and taking it from. Make sure it's people that's been in this thing for a minute.

10) There are differences between introverts and extroverts. Knowing those differences saves marriages and lives #frfr

So my husband is more of an introvert. I am more of an extrovert And you need to know these differences in my opinion as this is something I've learned in marriage and it's actually saved my marriage and life when it comes to how we not interact with one another but also with others outside our marriage.

I won't go too deep on this, but I will say I'm the type of extrovert that if I don't get enough adult stimulation and if I don't have some spontaneity along the way, I literally can get depressed. That's how extroverted I am. I need that time of adult stimulation. I need that time of not just conversations, but getting out and about.

And you know what? I have a son that's like that too. There's been times he has cried himself to sleep when he gets bored. We extroverts do not like getting bored.

Introverts, on the other hand, are a little bit different. They can truly be a party of one. Like my husband could read comic books to himself for hours when there's no one around. He likes the quiet even though we have a noisy house and he is great with routine and structure, whereas routine can kill my spirits. I know, right?

So we definitely balance each other out. But one of the biggest things in our marriage is by learning this. We know where to give and to take, and we know where, okay, you need to get out, or okay, you need quiet.

I'll give you one thing my husband and I have done to bring this to life in our marriage. I will take the children and go and leave him home for hours to do whatever it is he wants to do. And oftentimes, that is reading or watching comics, writing comics, drawing, talking to his friends on drawing and things like that. He loves that right inside his home.

For me, he stays with the children while I get out and go. Because I mean, I can take my children with me but sometimes I just want to get out and go and just go and do whatever.

Sometimes I want to travel with friends or just hang out and do something I consoder fun as I must have my spontaneity.

So that's something that we resolved knowing those differences over the years and it's helped us to do certain things in our marriage to help us understand and respect our differences and not downplay that they are important and a part of our personalities.

11) Praying together is not the most important thing; Praying period is.

I know this one kind of touched some people uh, like wait...what do you mean praying together is not the most important thing? It's not the most important thing because you're not gonna always be able to pray together What if he doesn't want to pray? What if she doesn't want to pray? What if you're not around to pray together? What if you're so busy by the time they're home? Let's say one of wakes up way earlier than the other or one of you is an early bird and the other a night owl?

What about when life just happens and one of you going thru something and jus don't feel like praying with you or at all? Then what?

You can pray for yourself and you can pray for others There's no excuse to not pray so we shouldn't use that as an excuse. Ok so you not praying together...ok but are you praying? That's what I've learned

12) Some days it's easy to love your mate Some days it takes work and other days it straight takes prayer and netflix hashtag.

I mean I think that's self explanatory.

13) If you can laugh at anything then you can make it through anything. #medicine

Laughter truly does work like a medicine. I am here to tell you. One of the live podcasts my husband and I did on our Build A Nation broadcast for the 14 lives that we did up until our anniversary date was on Laughing during the hard times. I learned that if you can laugh at anything, you truly can make it through anything.

My husband and I can laugh at one another. We can laugh at our children. We can laugh with them. We can laugh with one another. We can do this even after having been thru some challenging times.

If I can tell you one thing that's gotten us through, it's been being able to laugh as it really can be a medicine for anything difficult in life as it's been proven that the more you actually laugh, it can actually help you physically, mentally, psycholigically and spiritually. So this is definitely something I learned

14) Having money is always, Always ALWAYS better than not having money. #getthebag

Okay, get the bag is self explanatory But I'll just share we have been through a lot when it comes to lack of money and I have learned having money is always better than not having it. I'd rather have money and not need it than to need money and not have it. I'm telling you been there done that especially with five children.

You never want to be in lack of finances You never want to be a lack of resources. You never want to be in lack of money Never. It's way too stressful. #alwaysgetthebag

So I've shared those 14 things and I have a bonus for y'all and this will wrap up my list that I shared on my 14th year anniversary.

It's been an amazing ride that we've made it to 14 years! And because you read to the end, I'm going to give you a bonus one for the road below...

Bonus: Choosing a mate wisely is the key to making marriage work as it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Why do I say that? Because I don't believe I would have learned these 14 things in the way that I did with anyone else and I'm so glad I chose who I chose to go on this journey of marriage with me. It's also the first step in building a nation anyway. And that, we have done. ~ OEV